Total Drama Avenue Q
by TitanWolf
Summary: the title says it all. a parody of my favorite broadway musical. the TDI cast are playing the parts.
1. Cast

Total Drama Avenue Q

**DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING**

Chapter 1

Hello to my loyal fans. I Russell Lee Whorton Figgins AKA Titanwolf. Have decided to do a TDI Avenue Q parody. So here is the cast list for the story.

Trekki Monster - Duncan

Kate Monster - Courtney

Rod - Noah

Nicky - Cody

Gary - DJ

Brian - Owen

Christmas Eve - Heather

Princeton - Trent

The Bad Idea Bears - Chris and Chef

Ricky - Justin

Lucy the slut - Lindsey

**END CHAPTER 1**

_**And that's it, so if you wanna help by Pm me the lyrics to the songs that would be great, and save a whole lot of time between chapters.**_

**READ, REVIEW, PM LYRICS**


	2. It Sucks To Be Me

**Chapter 2**

**DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING**

**Courtney Monster:** Morning, Owen!

**Owen:** Hi, Courtney Monster.

**Courtney Monster:** How's life?

**Owen:** Disappointing!

**Courtney Monster:** What's the matter?

**Owen:** The catering company laid me off.

**Courtney Monster:** Oh, I'm sorry!

**Owen:** Me too! I mean, look at me!I'm ten years out of college, and I always thought -

**Courtney Monster:** What?

**Owen:** No, it sounds stupid.

**Courtney Monster:** Aww, come on!

**Owen:** When I was little I thought I would be...

**Courtney Monster:** What?

**Owen:** A big comedian on late night TV But now I'm thirty-two And as you can see I'm not

**Courtney Monster:** Nope!

**Owen:** Oh well,It sucks to be me.

**Courtney Monster:** Nooo.

**Owen:** It sucks to be me.

**Courtney Monster:** No!

**Owen:** It sucks to be broke and unemployed and turning thirty-three it sucks to be me.

**Courtney Monster:** Oh, you think your life sucks?

**Owen:** I think so.

**Courtney Monster:** Your problems aren't so bad!I'm kinda pretty and pretty damn smart.

**Owen:** You are.

**Courtney Monster:** Thanks! I like romantic things Like music and art and as you know I have a gigantic heart So why don't I have a boyfriend? Fuck! It sucks to be me!

**Owen: **Me too.

**Courtney Monster:** It sucks to be me.

**Owen:** It sucks to be Owen...

**Courtney Monster:** And Courtney...

**Owen:** To not have a job!

**Courtney Monster:** To not have a date!

**Both:** It sucks to be me.

**Owen:** Hey, Noah, Cody, can you settle something for us? Do you have a second?

**Noah:** Ah, certainly.

**Courtney Monster:** Whose life sucks more? Owen's or mine?

**Cody and Noah:** Ours!

**Noah:** We live together.

**Cody:** We're as close as people can get.

**Noah:** We've been the best of buddies...

**Cody:** Ever since the day we met.

**Noah:** So he knows lots of ways to make me really upset, every day is an aggravation.

**Cody:** Come on, that's an exaggeration!

**Noah:** You leave your clothes out and put your feet on my chair.

**Cody:** Oh yeah?You do such anal things like ironing your underwear.

**Noah:** You make that very small apartment we share a hell.

**Cody:** So do you, that's why I'm in hell too!

**Noah:** It sucks to be me!

**Cody:** No, it sucks to be me!

**Courtney Monster:** It sucks to be me!

**Owen:** It sucks to be me!

**ALL:** Is there anybody here it doesn't suck to be? It sucks to be me!

**Sadie:** Why you all so happy?

**Cody:** Because our lives suck!

**Sadie:** Your lives suck? I hearing you correctly? Ha! I coming to this country for to work in Korean deli but I am Japanese with hard work I earn two Master's Degrees In social work! And now I a therapist! But I have no clients and I have an unemployed fiancé! And we have lots of bills to pay! It suck to be me!It suck to be me! I say it Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Suck! It suck to be me!

**Trent:** Excuse me?

**Owen:** Hey there.

**Trent:** Sorry to bother you, but I'm looking for a place to live.

**Sadie:** Why you looking all the way out here?

**Trent:** Well, I started at Avenue A,but so far everything is out of my price range. But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!

**Owen:** You need to talk to the superintendent let me get him.

**Trent:** Great, thanks!

**Owen:** Yo, DJ!

**DJ:** I'm comin'! I'm comin'!

**Trent:** Oh my god! It's DJ!

**DJ:** Yes I am! I'm DJ from TV's Diff'rent Strokes I made a lotta money that got stolen by my folks! Now I'm broke and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes, but I'm here - the superintendent! On Avenue Q -

**ALL:** It sucks to be you.

**Courtney Monster:** You win!

**ALL:** It sucks to be you.

**Owen:** I feel better now!

**DJ:** Try having people stopping you to ask you"What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"It gets old.

**ALL:** It sucks to be you on Avenue Q(Sucks to be me) On Avenue Q(Sucks to be you) On Avenue Q(Sucks to be us) But not when he're together here on Avenue Q! We live on Avenue Q! Our friends do too!'Til our dreams come true, we live on Avenue Q!

**Trent:** This is real life!

**ALL:** We live on Avenue Q!

**Cody:** You're gonna love it!

**ALL:** We live on Avenue Q!

**DJ:** Here's your keys!

**ALL:** Welcome to Avenue Q!

**END Chapter 2**

_i changed Heather with Sadie because she looks more like Christmas Eve than Heather_

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	3. If You Were Gay

**Chapter 3**

**DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING!**

Noah: Aah an afternoon alone with my favorite book, Broadway musicals of the 1940's. No roommate to bother me. How could this get any better?

Cody: Oh, hi Noah!

Noah: Hi Cody.

Cody: Hey Noah you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smiling at me and talking to me. He was being real friendly, and I think he was coming on to me. I think he might've thought I was gay!

Noah: Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Hm? Why should I care? I don't care. What did you have for lunch today?

Cody: Oh, you don't have to get so defensive about it Noah…

Noah: I'm not getting defensive!!! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read.

Cody: Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Noah. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

Noah: I don't wanna talk about it, Cody! This conversation is over!!!

Cody: Yeah but Noah.

Noah: Over!!!

Cody: Well okay but just so you know. If you were gay, that'd be okay I mean cause hey, I'd like you anyway.

Noah: Ugh.

Cody(singing) Because you see, if it were meee I would feel free to say that I was gay. But I'm not gay.

Noah: Cody please, I am trying to read!

Cody(staring at Noah)

Noah: What!

Cody(singing) if you were queer.

Noah: Ah, Cody!

Cody(singing) I'd still be here.

Noah: Cody, I'm trying to read this book.

Cody(singing) Year after year!

Noah: Cody!

Cody(singing) Because your dear to me.

Noah: Argh!

Cody(singing) And I know that you.

Noah: What?

Cody(singing) Would except me tooo!

Noah; I would?

Cody(singing) If I told you today HEY GUESS WHAT? I'M GAY!! But I'm not gay. I'm happy just being with you.

Noah: High Button Shoes, pal Joey…

Cody(singing) So what should it matter to me, WHAT YOU DO IN BED WITH GUYS?

Noah: Cody that is wrong!!!

Cody(singing) No it's not, if you were gay!

Noah: Uhh.

Cody(singing) I shout HOORAY!

Noah: I am not listening

Cody(singing) And here I'd stay!

Noah(fingers in his ears) La La La La La!

Cody(singing) But I wouldn't get in your way!

Noah: AHHHH!!

Cody(singing) You can count on me! To always be! Beside you everyday, to tell you it's okay, you were just born that way. And as they say! I'TS IN YOUR DNA!! YOUR GAY!!!!

Noah: BUT I'M NOT GAY!!!!

Cody: But if you WERE gay.

Noah: AHHHH!!!!!

**END**

_next is purpose_

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	4. Everyone's A Little Bit Racist

**Chapter 4**

**DISCLAIMER I OWN NOTHING**

Trent: Say Courtney, can I ask you a question?

Courtney Monster: Sure.

Trent: Well, you know Duncan Monster upstairs?

Courtney Monster: Uh huh.

Trent: Well, he's Duncan Monster, and your Courtney Monster.

Courtney Monster: Right.

Trent: Your both monsters.

Courtney Monster: Yeah.

Trent: Are you two related?

Courtney Monster: What?! Trent, I'm surprised at you! I find that racist!

Trent: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!

Courtney Monster: Well, it's a touchy subject. No, not all monsters are related. What are you trying to say, huh? That we all look the same to you? Huh, huh, huh?

Trent: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry, I guess that was a bit racist.

Courtney Monster: I should say so. You should be much more careful when your talking about the sensitive subject of race.

Trent: well look who's talking.

Courtney Monster: What do you mean?

Trent: What about that special monster school you told me about?

Courtney Monster: What about it?

Trent: Could someone like me go there?

Courtney Monster: No, we don't want people like you.

Trent: You see?! You're a little bit racist.

Courtney Monster: Well, you're a little bit too.

Trent: I guess were both a little bit racist.

Courtney Monster: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do.

Trent: But I guess its true.

Courtney Monster: Between me and you, I think.

Both: Everyone's a little bit racist sometimes, doesn't mean we go around committing hate crimes. Look around and you will find no ones really colorblind. Maybe it's a fact we all should face, everyone makes judgments on race.

Trent: Now not big judgments , like who to hire or who to buy a newspaper from.

Courtney Monster: Nooo.

Trent: no just little judgments like thinking Mexican busboys should learn to speak goddamn English!

Courtney Monster: Right!

Both: Everyone's a little bit racist today. So, everyone's a little bit racist, okay! Ethnic jokes may be uncouth, but you laugh because they're based on truth, don't take them as personal attacks. Everyone enjoys them so relax!

Trent: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.

Courtney Monster: Okay.

Trent: There's a plane going down and there's only one parachute. And there's a rabbi, a priest…

Courtney Monster: And a black guy!

Trent: Yeah!

DJ: What you talking about Courtney?!

Courtney Monster: Uhhh.

DJ: You were telling a black joke!

Trent: Well, sure, DJ, but lots of people tell black jokes.

DJ: I Don't!

Trent: Well, of course you don't -you're black! But I bet you tell Polack jokes, right?

DJ: Well, sure I do. Those stupid Polacks!

Trent: Now, don't you think that's a little racist?

DJ: Well, damn, I guess your right.

Courtney Monster: You're a little bit racist.

DJ: Well, you're a little bit too.

Trent: We're all a little bit racist.

DJ: I think that I would have to agree with you.

Trent and Courtney: We're glad you do.

DJ: It's sad but true. Everyone's a little bit racist, alright.

Courtney Monster: Alright.

Trent: Alright.

DJ: Alright, bigotry has never been exclusively white.

All: If we could all admit that we are racist a little bit, even though we all know that it's wrong. Maybe it would help us get along.

Trent: Oh, Christ do I feel good.

DJ: Now there's a fine outstanding black man!

Trent: Who?

DJ: Jesus Christ!

Courtney Monster: But DJ Jesus was white.

DJ: No Jesus was black.

Courtney Monster: No Jesus was white.

DJ: No, I'm pretty sure Jesus was black.

Trent: Guys, guys… Jesus was Jewish!…

Owen: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?

DJ: Racism.

Owen: Cool.

Sadie: Owen! Come back here! You take out lecycuraburs!

Trent: what's that mean?

Owen: Um, recyclables… Hey, don't laugh at her! How many languages do you speak?

Courtney Monster: Oh, come off it, Owen! Everyone's a little bit racist.

Owen: I'm not!

Trent: Oh no!

Owen: Nope! How many oriental wives have you got?

Sadie: What? Owen!

Trent: Owen, buddy, where you been? The term is Asian-American!

Sadie: I know you are no intending to be, but calling me orienter -offensive to me!

Owen: I'm sorry honey, I love you.

Sadie: And I love you.

Owen: But your racist too.

Sadie: Yes, I know. The Jews have all the money and the whites have all the power, and I'm always stuck in taxi-cab with driver who no shower!

Trent: Me too!

Courtney Monster: Me Too!

DJ: I can't even get a taxi!

All: Everyone's a little bit racist it's true. But everyone is just as racist as you! If we could just admit that we are racist a little bit. And everyone stopped being PC. Maybe we could live in harmony.

Sadie: Evlyone's a ritter bit lacist!

**END CHAPTER 4**

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